Whose Line is it Anime?
by Reanna R. King
Summary: The TV series "Whose Line is it Anyway?" with an anime twist and starring anime characters!


Whose Line is it Anime  
  
Episode 1  
  
By Reanna King  
  
Note: This will hopefully be the first of many episodes. For those of you who haven't seen Whose Line is it Anyway, it's an improvisation show that originated in Great Britain. I began writing this quite a while ago and abandoned it. But my muses have recently inspired me to finish this and hopefully endeavor to go further than just one episode. Each episode will be starring and hosted by different anime characters. Well… here we go!  
  
EPISODE ONE: STARS: OHTORI AKIO (SHOUJO KAKUMEI UTENA), XELLOSS (THE SLAYERS), FILIA UL COPT (THE SLAYERS), DILANDAU ALBATOU (VISION OF ESCAFLOWNE) AND TAKESHI (AKA BROCK)(POKÉMON)  
  
[Fade into a TV studio and an applauding audience. Camera zooms in on AKIO, sitting at a desk]  
  
AKIO: Konban wa, minna-san and welcome to Whose Line is it Anime?, where the facefaults are real and the points don't matter… kind of like the word "diet" to Lina Inverse. Here are tonight's guests!  
  
[Camera shows XELLOSS, sitting comfortably on a chair at the back of the stage, waggling his index finger]  
  
AKIO: He tells no secrets: Xelloss!  
  
[Camera shows FILIA, who is sitting next to XELLOSS, sipping tea]  
  
AKIO: She has no sense of humor: Filia Ul Copt!  
  
FILIA: [angrily] Ano ne!  
  
[Camera shows DILANDAU next to Filia, stroking his cheek]  
  
AKIO: He shows no mercy: Dilandau Albatou!  
  
[DILANDAU giggles maniacally]  
  
[Camera shows TAKESHI sitting next to DILANDAU]  
  
AKIO: And, he dislikes no woman: Takeshi!  
  
TAKESHI: Hi, ladies!  
  
AKIO: For those of you new to the show, those four people are going to play improvisation games based on suggestions from our audience and what's written on these cards. Based on their performance, I'll award them points… and whoever has the most points at the end of the show, or [smirks] whomever I think did the best stuff… gets to do something special with me… and the loser gets to do something special with Xelloss.  
  
[XELLOSS smirks evilly]  
  
AKIO: Our first game will be "Weird Newscasters." Each player will be giving the news in the style written on this card here. Takeshi will be the anchor, Filia, you're playing Xelloss the co-anchor. Dilandau will be giving the weather… as himself, and Xelloss will be giving the sports highlights as Filia.  
  
(ALL take their places as the music plays and cues TAKESHI to begin)  
  
TAKESHI: Good evening and welcome to the six o'clock news. I'm **cough** available **cough** and here's the top story: Scientific research shows that men with squinty eyes make the best lovers. For more information, let's go to my co-anchor, Xelloss.  
  
[TAKESHI turns to FILIA, who sits on the stool beside him]  
  
FILIA: [making an ugly face] I don't care what's going on in the world, because I'm a selfish Mazoku! I'd rather trick and manipulate people!  
  
[Camera goes to TAKESHI, who has a huge sweatdrop by his face]  
  
TAKESHI: Sou desu ka… jaa, now let's go to our sports highlights with Filia Ul Copt!  
  
[Camera turns to XELLOSS, who stands to TAKESHI'S right]  
  
[XELLOSS mimes taking a sip of tea, making a dainty girlish face]  
  
XELLOSS: [in girly voice] Nani? What's going on? I was too busy drinking absurd amounts of tea!… The sports news? Actually, I'm kind of busy acting high-and-mighty and talking about prophecies…  
  
[XELLOSS turns his back and uses his cape to mime a dragon tail swishing back and forth while the real FILIA fumes]  
  
XELLOSS: And never mind the fact that I can't come up with a better insult than "namagomi!"  
  
TAKESHI: What exactly does this have to do with sports, "Filia-san?"  
  
XELLOSS: [giggles] Nothing whatsoever! Back to you!  
  
FILIA: This just in… … … … [looks like she's ready to explode] … … … NAMAGOMI!!!!!  
  
XELLOSS: [sarcastically] Ooh, that hurts…  
  
TAKESHI: Er… Arigato, "Xelloss-san." Now, we go on to our weatherman, Dilandau Albatou.  
  
[Camera goes to DILANDAU, who stands just to FILIA'S left]  
  
DILANDAU: [chuckles evilly] The weather this weekend… will be 1,000 degrees of flaming death from coast to coast! [DILANDAU points to an imaginary weather map] All these cities will be on fire by noon tomorrow. [He moves his hand left] Here, all these cities will be an iinferno… searing… stinging… stinging… stinging… stinging… [DILANDAU strokes the "map" up and down with his finger before dissolving into a fit of giggles]  
  
TAKESHI: Ah… sou… that's the news for tonight… thank you, and goodnight to all the pretty ladies out there.  
  
[AKIO sounds the buzzer and all players return to their seats]  
  
AKIO: I'm going to give you all 100 points except Dilandau… because fire isn't weather.  
  
DILANDAU: NANI??!!!!  
  
FILIA: (quietly) Pyro.  
  
[Camera is on AKIO again]  
  
AKIO: Ahem… let's go on to our next game, "Song Titles." All four players will act out a scene speaking only in song titles. Xelloss and Dilandau will start and if they say something that ISN'T a song title, I'll buzz them and another player will take his place. Your scene is… you're archaeologists about to uncover a lost treasure.  
  
XELLOSS: [digging with imaginary shovel] Tonight's the Night.  
  
DILANDAU: [nods] Yes It Is.  
  
XELLOSS: [bending over and taking something out of the "ground"] Someone's Secret Message!  
  
DILANDAU: [takes the imaginary object and mimes opening a scroll] More Than Words!  
  
XELLOSS: Where Do I Go From Here?  
  
DILANDAU: [points yonder] … … … Disco Inferno!  
  
XELLOSS: … … You pyro. [XELLOSS teleports off to the side; FILIA takes his place]  
  
FILIA: What's Going On?  
  
DILANDAU: [points to his side] Standing Outside the Fire.  
  
FILIA: You Can't Do That!  
  
DILANDAU: [puts his hand to his ear] Voices!  
  
FILIA: Set Me Free!  
  
DILANDAU: Good Luck, Good Bye.  
  
FILIA: Heroic Action Please!  
  
DILANDAU: Anything For You.  
  
FILIA: Thank You Very Very Much.  
  
[DILANDAU is lost for a reply; AKIO buzzes him and DILLY is replaced by TAKESHI]  
  
TAKESHI: We Like Girls.  
  
FILIA: [looks hard at TAKESHI] Mystic Eyes!  
  
TAKESHI: Groovy.  
  
FILIA: … … [BUZZZZ! FILIA walks off and is replace by XELLOSS, who laughs at her as he walks back onstage]  
  
XELLOSS: [massages TAKESHI'S shoulders] Ultra Relax.  
  
[TAKESHI runs offstage in a fright and is replaced by DILANDAU]  
  
DILANDAU: Come On Set the Night on Fire.  
  
XELLOSS: No No No  
  
DILANDAU: Yes Yes Yes.  
  
XELLOSS: But But But…  
  
DILANDAU: BURN!!  
  
XELLOSS: Er… eto… [BUZZ][exit XEL; enter FILIA]  
  
DILANDAU: [sadly gestures to XEL] I Don't Know How to Love Him.  
  
FILIA: [nods] He's a Maniac.  
  
DILANDAU: [shrugs] Some Like it Hot.  
  
FILIA: Don't Do Me Like That.  
  
DILANDAU: I Got Steam Heat.  
  
[BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ]  
  
AKIO: Okay, that's enough, minna-san. I'm giving everyone 200 points… but Xelloss gets minus fifty points for using both his image songs.  
  
[XELLOSS pouts]  
  
AKIO: Our next games is called "World's Worst." All four of you will take turns giving examples of the worlds worst… [looks at his card] TV shows.  
  
[The players meanwhile take their place in a line facing the audience]  
  
AKIO: And go.  
  
XELLOSS: I'm Dilandau, and there'll be lots of fire today on "Will it Burn?"  
  
[DILANDAU glares cuttingly at XELLOSS]  
  
FILIA: I'm Xelloss, and welcome to another episode of "How to Exploit and Manipulate People!"  
  
AKIO: [from his desk] Hey, I love that show.  
  
XELLOSS: [twitches] Welcome to "A History of Golden Dragons… Of Course It's Not Much Because We Prefer To Cover Up Everything That Makes Us Look Bad."  
  
TAKESHI: Tonight: "When Pokémon Attack!"  
  
DILANDAU: I'm Akio, and this is "Bowling for Sex!"  
  
AKIO: [miffed] Ano, ne…  
  
XELLOSS: Welcome to a very special two-hour episode of Dragonball Z.  
  
TAKESHI: [Australian accent] I'm Steve Irwin, and I'm the Pokémon Hunter! Today we'll go looking for wild Totodile! They'll bite ya, mate!  
  
[BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ]  
  
AKIO: That's enough. Let's say that each of you gets your own age in points.  
  
[XELLOSS grins cutely]  
  
AKIO: Our next game will be "Let's Make a Date."  
  
TAKESHI: Woo hoo!  
  
AKIO: In this game, Filia is going to be a contestant on a dating game… and unfortunately, these men are all she has to choose from. The men have each been given a card with a certain behavior or personality to impersonate. She gets to ask each bachelor two questions, and then will try to guess who they all are.  
  
[The cards are handed out. XELLOSS looks amused; TAKESHI smiles slightly, DILANDAU looks a little annoyed at his card. All three sit at stools to the right of the stool FILIA sits on. XELLOSS to her immediate right, then TAKESHI, then DILANDAU]  
  
AKIO: Start whenever you're ready.  
  
FILIA: [looking halfway uneasy, half ticked off] Err… bachelor number one?  
  
XELLOSS: Let me ask you something.  
  
FILIA: Err… hai?  
  
XELLOSS: Is your name Claire?  
  
FILIA: Eh? No…  
  
XELLOSS: [disappointed] Oh…  
  
FILIA: Bachelor number one, what kind of music do you like?  
  
XEL: Rock. Hard rock.  
  
FILIA: Ah… okay. Bachelor number two. If we went on a date, what would you like me to wear?  
  
TAKESHI: Well, I usually like my date to wear something tight… Pika pika! Chuuu… Like a short skirt. I find tube tops really— Char! Charmander Char!  
  
FILIA: Uh, all right. Bachelor number three?  
  
DILANDAU: [sighs] [cutely] Hai!  
  
DILANDAU: [thoughts] Fire… fire… fire… kill Van… fire… burn…  
  
FILIA: Em… Please describe your idea partner.  
  
DILANDAU: [perky girly voice] Someone that I can fight for fire—err… justice with! Only someone with a good and burning—err… pure heart is right for me!  
  
FILIA: (blinks) Uhh… okay. Bachelor number one?  
  
XELLOSS: [monotonously] Hai.  
  
FILIA: Uhhh… okay. Some guys give their dates chocolates and flowers. If we went on a date, what would you give me?  
  
XELLOSS: How should I know? [He pretends to pull a mask over his face and pull a hood over his head] DAMN YOU, REZO!!!!  
  
FILA: That's so sad! It's so tragic!…  
  
TAKESHI: [looks at XELLOSS] Golem! Golem!  
  
FILIA: Bachelor number TWO!  
  
TAKESHI: Hai?  
  
FILIA: What's the end to your dream date?  
  
TAKESHI: Well… I guess it would be a long kiss— Squirtle Squirtle!  
  
FILIA: I see… … … bachelor number… three?  
  
DILANDAU: [singing] A girl who has fire… there on her side… never has to burn…  
  
FILIA: [with blue lines on her forehead] Ummm… Bachelor number three, If we went on a date, where would you take me?  
  
DILANDAU: Ugh………… I'd take you to meet my inferno… er… daddy and we'd fight for fire… uhh… justice together!  
  
DILANDAU: [thoughts] Fire… burn… kill Van… fire… fire…  
  
[BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ]  
  
AKIO: Okay, Filia-san… do you have any idea who these guys are trying to be?  
  
FILIA: Ohh… well… Xelloss was TRYING to be Zelgadis-san, but doing it very badly…  
  
XELLOSS: Hey…  
  
FILIA: Takeshi… ohh… I don't know…  
  
AKIO: He turns into a Pokémon every time he gets turned on!  
  
FILIA: (gasps) That's awful! Who came up with these, anyway?!  
  
AKIO: (puts his head in his hands in slight frustration) Can you at least tell who Dilandau is being?  
  
FILIA: Oh, that's easy! He's being Amelia! (claps for herself happily)  
  
AKIO: We'll be right back with more "Whose Line is it Anime?"  
  
  
  
Well, what do you think? If you'd like to see more, I'll write more! ( Well, I'll probably write more whether you want to see it or not, so there. ;) 


End file.
